I feel so hollow.
And yes, it's because of that.
If I was good girl,
If I had called dad,
If I never knew how to cry,
If I could learn not to waste my tears,
If I was a good daughter,
If I was never given a phone,
If I never loved my phone so much,
If I could realise how stupid things can be,
If I figured that it's silly to get upset for no reason,
If I can talk to him,
If I can explain to him,
If I was loved and understood more,
If I can turn back time,
If I had just called,
If I can laugh at how weird things can be,
If I can smile all the time,
If I can hide everything behing a huge smile,
If I could voice out,
If I could have God as my best friend,
If I can God next to me,
If I realised God doesn't hear me,
If I was a good daughter.
Wasn't I one?
I want to tell you so many thing but I can't. I apologise if I had ever hurt you.
I love you, daddy. No matter what happens I will continue loving you.
I wonder why did you even say that? I was full of question marks.
Even if I don't call, that does that mean that I am neglecting you?
That doesn't mean that I've stopped loving you. It's just a phone call.
I'm so sorry for upseting you. My mistake, I should've called.
A stupid phone call was the cause of all this rubbish. I shouldn't have answered when you called.
I feel so dead without the phone. But I am fine wiht it, it's after all phone
I love you, pa!
And if God can hear me, I'll just be so happy. If God could speak to me..
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Melody
It's a Sunday today.
I went to fine arts this morning. Guess what? I forgot so many songs. So much for not touching and practising veena. It's okay. I brought home my veena and hopefully I'll start practising.
Dipa, Deepti and I went to gurney just now. I went there to get my brother some books which he wanted from Popular. On the way to Popular, I saw this real gorgeous dress being displayed. So many dresses. Beautiful and pretty ones. We stopped everywhere. I want to go shopping. I want to shop for bags, dresses, jeans, t-shirts and accessories.
And you, why are you so annoying? Just because I said something on Ju's and Kit's chatterbox, i think of you all the time? aaargh! I'll just make you happy by not talking to you. If I don't talk you say I'm avoiding you and if I talk you say that you are all I think about. I don't want to argue. Even if I say something, you say that I sound as if I am arguing. Weirdo, loser, cry baby.
I wish it rains! tic tac.. I wanna get wet in the rain. I haven't even told dad about going to Juli's house tomorrow. =D
I checked the NS list. =(
Instead of saying takziah, it says tahniah.
http://www.khidmatnegara.gov.my/interaktif.asp?ic=900730075316&submit=Cari
Just called dad and he said okay! smiles
I went to fine arts this morning. Guess what? I forgot so many songs. So much for not touching and practising veena. It's okay. I brought home my veena and hopefully I'll start practising.
Dipa, Deepti and I went to gurney just now. I went there to get my brother some books which he wanted from Popular. On the way to Popular, I saw this real gorgeous dress being displayed. So many dresses. Beautiful and pretty ones. We stopped everywhere. I want to go shopping. I want to shop for bags, dresses, jeans, t-shirts and accessories.
And you, why are you so annoying? Just because I said something on Ju's and Kit's chatterbox, i think of you all the time? aaargh! I'll just make you happy by not talking to you. If I don't talk you say I'm avoiding you and if I talk you say that you are all I think about. I don't want to argue. Even if I say something, you say that I sound as if I am arguing. Weirdo, loser, cry baby.
I wish it rains! tic tac.. I wanna get wet in the rain. I haven't even told dad about going to Juli's house tomorrow. =D
I checked the NS list. =(
Instead of saying takziah, it says tahniah.
http://www.khidmatnegara.gov.my/interaktif.asp?ic=900730075316&submit=Cari
Just called dad and he said okay! smiles
Thursday, February 7, 2008
booo
I went for threading today. OUCH! I didn't tear this time eventhough it did hurt. smiles
I miss the fabulous five so much. Wait, I think I should say fabulous 3. I see kasturi and myself all the time.
Fab 5, did you all know that Miss PMS aka Miss Loo has a boyfriend. Sneha saw her in gurney with someone. A guy to be precised. Sneha assumed it was her boyfriend. I'm actually suprised.
Priya's wedding bells are ringing! Yay! I can't wait to go back to India cause it has been 3 years since I last went. Lalala.. I can't wait for the 24th of November to come.
My friend's hair still isn't growing. =(
I miss the fabulous five so much. Wait, I think I should say fabulous 3. I see kasturi and myself all the time.
Fab 5, did you all know that Miss PMS aka Miss Loo has a boyfriend. Sneha saw her in gurney with someone. A guy to be precised. Sneha assumed it was her boyfriend. I'm actually suprised.
Priya's wedding bells are ringing! Yay! I can't wait to go back to India cause it has been 3 years since I last went. Lalala.. I can't wait for the 24th of November to come.
My friend's hair still isn't growing. =(
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Raindrops
I feel so bad posting my last blog. I actually thought of not posting it. I was asked to. I thought it was a good idea. I never knew I was such an idiot (you're right). I made someone cry beacuse of me. ME! I felt so bad.I never knew you were that emotional and sensitive. I didn't even know that the post was that touching. I can still hear everything echoing behind my ears. I am sorry. I am very very sorry.I don't think so a thousound sorry would help. I thought of deleting the post but you said don't.
Melvin made me happy by saying that my last post rocks. He read it like three to four times. Thank you, Lucifer. And in case you didn't know, that's another name of his. I read my last post
again and I told myself that i won't delete it.
I thank God. I went to the altar at 6 in the morning and stared at him. I prayed so hard so that people around me and my loved ones are always happy. I poured out everything from my heart to him cause he was the only one I could think of who would listen to me without questioning me. I thank him once again. My prayers and tears were blessed. I managed to tell something which i found so hard to tell and i feel so glad. I wasn't convinced but it was really hard. But i managed to. I'm happy for myself. As long as you are okay with it, i am fine with it. smiles =)
I was so tensed up and I felt really cold before pure maths. Thanks to Ju and Kas for helping and cooling me down. Don't know why and don't ask. We all had a two hour break. So, we all went to gurney. Nando's for lunch. And guess how much the bill was? RM220 or something. It was for 13 of us. Somehow our two hour break became a four hour break. Finally managed to get something for teddy. Thanks Niresh. Yench, Niresh and I went for The Eye. It was as bad as P 2. It was suppose to be a horror movie. It's okay. Kit, Ju, Kas and the other went for Sweeney Todd. I still don't get what's so nice about it.
*Why watch sweeney todd when Mr Sweeney Todd is just with us? He almost cut my throat with my own penkife. WATCH OUT! `youaresoright,teddy
Here comes GP. We had to present. The three of us as in Ju, Kas and myself. The first group presented and Melvin was continuously asking questions. Time came for us to present. We did our best. Melvin as usual started asking and asking. So did Varo(some kid from me class).
I love you all no matter what happens!
` Ronald loved his present! We rocked it Ju!
` I saw Kelvin and Ming Woei in gurney today!
Melvin made me happy by saying that my last post rocks. He read it like three to four times. Thank you, Lucifer. And in case you didn't know, that's another name of his. I read my last post
again and I told myself that i won't delete it.
I thank God. I went to the altar at 6 in the morning and stared at him. I prayed so hard so that people around me and my loved ones are always happy. I poured out everything from my heart to him cause he was the only one I could think of who would listen to me without questioning me. I thank him once again. My prayers and tears were blessed. I managed to tell something which i found so hard to tell and i feel so glad. I wasn't convinced but it was really hard. But i managed to. I'm happy for myself. As long as you are okay with it, i am fine with it. smiles =)
I was so tensed up and I felt really cold before pure maths. Thanks to Ju and Kas for helping and cooling me down. Don't know why and don't ask. We all had a two hour break. So, we all went to gurney. Nando's for lunch. And guess how much the bill was? RM220 or something. It was for 13 of us. Somehow our two hour break became a four hour break. Finally managed to get something for teddy. Thanks Niresh. Yench, Niresh and I went for The Eye. It was as bad as P 2. It was suppose to be a horror movie. It's okay. Kit, Ju, Kas and the other went for Sweeney Todd. I still don't get what's so nice about it.
*Why watch sweeney todd when Mr Sweeney Todd is just with us? He almost cut my throat with my own penkife. WATCH OUT! `youaresoright,teddy
Here comes GP. We had to present. The three of us as in Ju, Kas and myself. The first group presented and Melvin was continuously asking questions. Time came for us to present. We did our best. Melvin as usual started asking and asking. So did Varo(some kid from me class).
I love you all no matter what happens!
` Ronald loved his present! We rocked it Ju!
` I saw Kelvin and Ming Woei in gurney today!
Monday, February 4, 2008
Dreams are always dreams
We don't always get everything we want in life. If something has to come to you, it will come to you somehow. Dreams and wishes really come true? Not all i guess.
Sometimes we wish to own something which something we know that we can never have. Is that too much to ask for? Why don't likings have their limits. You can't simply like everyhting, can you? And even if you can, i highly doubt that you can have them all for yourself. If you really like something or someone, you always want take good care of it and make sure that it's safe. And if you know that you can't take good care of it, isn't it right for you to just let it go and hope that it ends up with some other person who can take better care of it.
It's really painful when you can never keep something and never let go something you really like. Even if you addicted to it, there will a time when you have to forget it cause you'll never be able to have it. The feeling is really bad when you can neither have it nor leave it. It's always impossible to leave something you always wanted.
Two different things can never be together. I don't get why people say opposites attract. One can never have something that he or she deserves. Perhaps, it's too much to ask for.
*I remind myself
Not all dreams come true
Not every single wish is blessed
Not evrything you longed for appears infront of you
I have so much to say.
I don't know where to start,how to start and how to end.
I have no idea on how to put them into proper words.
I have to tell but
I can't tell.
I cannot leave and cannot have it.
I cannot forget.
I am messed up.
I wanted it so badly.
Till one day i told myself, it wasn't right. I'll just wait. No harm waiting.
But i really wanted it so badly beacuse I never liked anything like this before. I thank god in each every single way for opening my eyes. It's just NOT RIGHT! *I remind myself When I wanted it, I couldn't have it and when it came to me, i threw it. I had to actually. I thought twice before throwing it. Nevermind, everything happens for a good reason.
The more i try staying away from it, it reminds me again and again. That's bad. Why is the heart so greedy? Why won't it listen to anyone? Even me. Can't that little thing just keep quiet? I wonder.
People say that if you really like something, you should set it free. And that's the best I can do. I'll set it free. Forgetting is impossible but I am just nothing but helpless. Fly away and please don't come back. And if you do, even Icannot help myself.
Think about the bright side. Eventhough I won't have it, it will always be around me. Forever with me. Sadly, the worst way to miss something is by having it right next to you and knowing that you'll never have it. Nothing actually lasts forever.
Unfortunately, you always have to let go of something to get a new thing.
*I remind myself
Never make something your EVERYTHING cause when it's gone you have NOTHING!
Sometimes we wish to own something which something we know that we can never have. Is that too much to ask for? Why don't likings have their limits. You can't simply like everyhting, can you? And even if you can, i highly doubt that you can have them all for yourself. If you really like something or someone, you always want take good care of it and make sure that it's safe. And if you know that you can't take good care of it, isn't it right for you to just let it go and hope that it ends up with some other person who can take better care of it.
It's really painful when you can never keep something and never let go something you really like. Even if you addicted to it, there will a time when you have to forget it cause you'll never be able to have it. The feeling is really bad when you can neither have it nor leave it. It's always impossible to leave something you always wanted.
Two different things can never be together. I don't get why people say opposites attract. One can never have something that he or she deserves. Perhaps, it's too much to ask for.
*I remind myself
Not all dreams come true
Not every single wish is blessed
Not evrything you longed for appears infront of you
I have so much to say.
I don't know where to start,how to start and how to end.
I have no idea on how to put them into proper words.
I have to tell but
I can't tell.
I cannot leave and cannot have it.
I cannot forget.
I am messed up.
I wanted it so badly.
Till one day i told myself, it wasn't right. I'll just wait. No harm waiting.
But i really wanted it so badly beacuse I never liked anything like this before. I thank god in each every single way for opening my eyes. It's just NOT RIGHT! *I remind myself When I wanted it, I couldn't have it and when it came to me, i threw it. I had to actually. I thought twice before throwing it. Nevermind, everything happens for a good reason.
The more i try staying away from it, it reminds me again and again. That's bad. Why is the heart so greedy? Why won't it listen to anyone? Even me. Can't that little thing just keep quiet? I wonder.
People say that if you really like something, you should set it free. And that's the best I can do. I'll set it free. Forgetting is impossible but I am just nothing but helpless. Fly away and please don't come back. And if you do, even Icannot help myself.
Think about the bright side. Eventhough I won't have it, it will always be around me. Forever with me. Sadly, the worst way to miss something is by having it right next to you and knowing that you'll never have it. Nothing actually lasts forever.
Unfortunately, you always have to let go of something to get a new thing.
*I remind myself
Never make something your EVERYTHING cause when it's gone you have NOTHING!
Friday, February 1, 2008
HAPPY FEBRUARY!
I finally decided to update my blog.
This was personaly due to the unlimited amount of requests. lol
My very first post for the year 2008.
January is gone by the wind.
Here comes February.
My February resolution for the year is to stop arguing with niresh. He always has something to say for everything i do and say. He says something and I say something and we end up arguing and I get so pissed. So, i think i should start talking a little and stop arguing with that boy. Trust me, you will never be able to talk to him and that's what makes him so special.
Okay, enough of that. It's after all a resolution.
College is so much fun with all these people around me all the time :
Ju ~ she goes lolipop-ing and snaps pictures all the time
Kit ~ the cutest living teddy bear which i never managed to find in the stores but at disted
Niresh ~ one who I love talking to all the time even if we argue
Kas ~ she gets 'STIMULATED' for everything
Anand ~ scolds me for everything =(
Joel ~ a clown who puts a smile on my face all the time
Narein ~ my angel
Today, kas and I made nireshy, ju and kit wait just because we didn't want to skip tutorial. I felt so bad. They waited despite me telling them to go. I love you all. Thanks a lot.
We went to some place in Prima Tanjung for lunch. 6 of us were sardined in kit's car. Poor Whitey! Guess what we were late for Miss Loo's chemistry. Niresh came up with his so called 'brilliant' ideas saying that he went to the mosque to pray (he praying should be the joke of the year). During chemistry Niresh ditched us at the back and went to the front. He impressed Miss Loo (she didn't say a word about being humble).
It's the first day of my new resolution and I tried my very best not to ARGUE with him.
yay! around of applause for that..
This was personaly due to the unlimited amount of requests. lol
My very first post for the year 2008.
January is gone by the wind.
Here comes February.
My February resolution for the year is to stop arguing with niresh. He always has something to say for everything i do and say. He says something and I say something and we end up arguing and I get so pissed. So, i think i should start talking a little and stop arguing with that boy. Trust me, you will never be able to talk to him and that's what makes him so special.
Okay, enough of that. It's after all a resolution.
College is so much fun with all these people around me all the time :
Ju ~ she goes lolipop-ing and snaps pictures all the time
Kit ~ the cutest living teddy bear which i never managed to find in the stores but at disted
Niresh ~ one who I love talking to all the time even if we argue
Kas ~ she gets 'STIMULATED' for everything
Anand ~ scolds me for everything =(
Joel ~ a clown who puts a smile on my face all the time
Narein ~ my angel
Today, kas and I made nireshy, ju and kit wait just because we didn't want to skip tutorial. I felt so bad. They waited despite me telling them to go. I love you all. Thanks a lot.
We went to some place in Prima Tanjung for lunch. 6 of us were sardined in kit's car. Poor Whitey! Guess what we were late for Miss Loo's chemistry. Niresh came up with his so called 'brilliant' ideas saying that he went to the mosque to pray (he praying should be the joke of the year). During chemistry Niresh ditched us at the back and went to the front. He impressed Miss Loo (she didn't say a word about being humble).
It's the first day of my new resolution and I tried my very best not to ARGUE with him.
yay! around of applause for that..
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